Want to strengthen your relationship? Try talking about money

Managing financial challenges can feel stressful for many couples. But recent research from the Cornell SC Johnson College of Business shows that transparent, collaborative financial habits can build trust, reduce anxiety and strengthen commitment for long-term romantic partners.

“There are many positive effects to being open to talking about money, not just for your relationship, but also for yourself,” said Emily Garbinsky, associate professor of marketing and behavioral scientist at the Samuel Curtis Johnson Graduate School of Management. “Financial transparency can increase satisfaction with the relationship, but it can also increase individual well-being.”

Recurring financial date nights

Money can be a fraught topic, so many couples skirt financial conversations—yet a study by Garbinsky and co-authors shows that talking about money is correlated with less financial anxiety.

Setting a recurring date each month or quarter is an easy way to ensure these conversations aren’t put off, Garbinsky said. She also suggested bringing a financial advisor into the mix; they can act as a neutral mediator or hold partners accountable.

“I can’t tell you how many horror stories I’ve heard of couples where one person manages all of the money,” Garbinsky said. “When something unexpectedly happens to that person, the other person has no idea where their money is, the passwords to access it, or what bills need to be paid.”

Success stories

When one or both partners harbor a doomsday mindset about money, their financial progress tends to stall. Hearing how similar couples solved their money issues can help.

Drawing on a framework created by clinical psychologist John Gottman, Garbinsky and her co-authors showed that financial stress changes how couples perceive money. Stressed couples see money issues as perpetual problems—unchangeable realities with no clear solution—rather than solvable problems which can be worked through.

When a problem feels perpetual, communication can shut down. “What’s the point in talking if there is no solution?” Garbinsky said.

But in Garbinsky’s study, people who read about a couple solving their money issues were more willing to communicate and make a financial plan with their partner. By seeing the various ways financial stress can be overcome, problems that once felt perpetual now appear solvable.

Hearing from others in a similar situation can provide a sense of belonging and provide a model for actionable steps in one’s own financial life.

Pooling finances

Sharing resources has been linked to higher relationship satisfaction and longevity, but not in every case.

“Pooling finances does several things,” Garbinsky said. “It gets people on the same page when it comes to their joint financial goals, it facilitates financial conversations and it makes people feel like they’re a team.”

A study from Garbinsky and co-authors shows that couples at all income levels report increased relationship satisfaction when pooling their finances.

Some people may resist pooling finances out of fear that their partner will spend shared money on frivolous things. Another study led by Garbinsky suggests the inverse: partners who share money are more likely to spend it on utilitarian needs. The likelihood that they purchase hedonic products—purely fun things—decreases.

The benefits appear to be twofold. Not only does a relationship strengthen when money is pooled, but partners tend to make smarter spending choices together. Still, this strategy isn’t right for every couple.

“There could be couples where one of the partners struggles with debt or makes poor financial decisions,” she said. “In this case, you don’t want to pool your finances.”

Every couple’s needs and circumstances are different.

“I think what does matter and what is most important are these ideas around financial communication and financial transparency,” she said. “That will set you up for the future.”